Gomenasai
by JD Santiago
Summary: ONESHOT. Post Zanpakuto Rebellion arc. Rukia and Sode no Shirayuki on facing the aftermath of the betrayal and in the end, forgiveness. No pairings.


A/N: I promised I would make a Bleach fanfic ages ago, so a Bleach fanfic we have here based on the events surrounding _Zanpakuto__ Unknown Tales_ arc. This baby was born because of my unsatisfied clamoring for fics like these.

Forgive me if I dont have Rukia or Sode no Shirayukis characters down to a T, but note that all their interactions and emotions here have a reason, and I wont make them too OOC either.

Note to readers: I have NOT abandoned my other fanfics! I'll get back on them as soon as I have time, because guys, I'M GRADUATING!!! YAY!!! :D Thanks y'all for supporting and reading my works! Love you guys and will get back on the fanfics ASAP!

Disclaimer: Dont own Bleach or its wonderful characters. Theyre rightfully Kubo Tites.

Semi-AU from episode 253, since weve still got two episodes left of season 13. (And since Im not liking where its heading in terms of Rukia and Shirayuki, so there. :D)

Translations:

Gomenasai: I'm sorry

Yuki onna: Snow woman

Niisama: Respectful term for older brother

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**Gomenasai**

**JD Santiago**

* * *

_"Yes, I hate you. I do hate you!"_

_"I want to be free from you!"_

_"I will destroy everything you hold dear by my own hands!"_

_"I hate you!"_

**What I was thought wasn't mine**

**In the light, was one of a kind—a precious pearl**

**When I wanted to cry, I couldn't 'cause I wasn't allowed…**

"Kuchiki Rukia." The soft, gentle voice of Sode no Shirayuki roused Rukia from her turbulent memories, yet at the same time nearly made her lose grip of the fragile calm she worked hard to keep together. Not turning around, she acknowledged the pale woman she knew was behind her with a soft "Sode no Shirayuki."

It had been a long, hard battle, but in the end the traitor shinigami, Kouga and his zanpakuto Muramasa were defeated, and at last Muramasa's soul was put to rest. The zanpakuto were freed from Muramasa's spell and returned to their masters.

Finally, life in Soul Society was slowly returning to normal.

Normal.

Kuchiki Rukia scoffed lightly at the thought. How can things ever return to how they used to be after the damage Muramasa had inflicted? Not that she harbored any deep set hatred towards Muramasa—if anything, she sympathized with the lost zanpakuto's devotion and loyalty to his wretched master.

But that didn't change the fact that Muramasa's actions made a rift between several shinigami and their zanpakuto throughout Seiretei.

Between her and Sode no Shirayuki.

Rukia tried so hard to convince herself that it wasn't entirely Sode no Shirayuki's fault, tried so hard to pass the blame to Muramasa's influence and that her zanpakuto would never truly turn against her.

But still…

"What is it, Sode no Shirayuki?" Rukia was currently at the lake where Kouga's prison was sealed, wanting some time alone for a while. Slipping away from her colleagues had been difficult but she didn't want to be around too many people right now. She needed this short time to think, to reflect.

To forgive.

But really, who was it that needed to be forgiven?

**Gomenasai for everything**

**Gomenasai, I know I let you down**

**Gomenasai till the end, I never needed a friend**

**Like I do now**

"I…I didn't think I'd find you here." Sode no Shirayuki began, her placid, pale beauty betraying the feelings that were threatening to tear out of her chest.

Rukia, her dear, sweet little shinigami, sat hugging her knees to her chest, yet she made no move to turn to face Sode no Shirayuki as she stared solemnly across the lake where Kouga plummeted to his death.

Some time ago, after Murasama was finally defeated and after the return to Soul Society, Sode no Shirayuki discovered that Rukia was not among them when they arrived in Seiretei. It took her a while before she spotted the young shinigami's reiatsu in Karakura town. "You weren't with us after we arrived in Seiretei, so I—I mean, your friends were worried and were searching for you everywhere."

"Then tell them there is no need to worry." Rukia replied, her back still towards Sode no Shirayuki. "I am fine, just need some time alone and will return shortly. You can head back now if you want."

Rukia…Sode no Shirayuki thought mournfully as she once again damned Muramasa to the depths of hell in her mind.

She would never forget that day Muramasa lured her to his side. She truly did fight her best against the cursed zanpakuto's spell that was enticing her to follow her "instincts" and betray her mistress.

But Muramasa proved too strong for her, and in the end, the devious man was not only able to sway her to his control, but was also able to push her into attempting to kill Rukia, who not even once tried to fight her traitor zanpakuto back.

And now that she regained her senses, all the memories of her and Rukia's battles filled Sode no Shirayuki with so much regret and self-loathing that she could not stand it any longer.

That was one of the reasons she sought for Rukia in the first place.

**What I thought wasn't all**

**So innocent, was a delicate doll of porcelain**

**When I wanted to call you and ask you for help, I stop myself**

Sode no Shirayuki hesitated, her eyes clouded as she stepped closer, "Rukia, there's something I need to tell you."

"What is it?"

"Rukia, I…" Sode no Shirayuki began awkwardly. "About what happened, I just…"

The young shinagami shook her head. What was taking the snow zanpakuto so long? "Sode no Shirayuki, if you have nothing else to—"

At Rukia's impatient tone, the pale woman actually choked. "Rukia, I'm sorry."

Rukia's eyes snapped open in surprise, hardly believing what she just heard. "What did you say?"

"I'm sorry, Rukia." Sode no Shirayuki repeated, her voice cracking as she went on. "For everything that Muramasa made me do, for all the hurt that I have inflicted on you and your friends. I'm sorry, Rukia. I'm so sorry!"

The young shinigami could not believe it. For all the time (half a century and then some years) she knew her, Sode no Shirayuki had always been a figure of pride and royalty, like how she imagined her niisama, Byakuya's zanpakuto would be like. Never in her life did she think she'd hear Sode no Shirayuki speak in such subdued, emotional tone, and _apologizing _of all things.

I don't think I can take this now…

**Gomenasai for everything**

**Gomenasai, I know I let you down**

**Gomenasai till the end, I never needed a friend**

**Like I do now**

Meanwhile, Sode no Shirayuki watched Rukia, her heart wrenching beneath her constricted façade. Rukia, please look at me. Please say something!

"…That is enough, Sode no Shirayuki." Rukia whispered, standing up. "Your actions were beyond your control at the time. It's all right now."

At least her mistress acknowledged her apology, but her reply made the yuki onna even more anxious. No, please don't do this again, Rukia. Don't push me away! "If you truly do not hold my actions against me, then why won't you look at me?"

"There is no need for that. I just told you, the past doesn't matter anymore." As long as she remained calm, Rukia thought fervently, she can keep herself together through this. As long as she remained calm…"I just want to be left alone for now. Please leave."

Sode no Shirayuki would have screamed in frustration if her cool, regal personality would have allowed it. "Why are you always like this, Rukia? Why is it that every time I try to reach out to you, you always push me away? You never come to me whenever something troubled you, not even during that time with Shiba Kaien. You would rather trust the other shinigami or even that ryoka instead of me! You would come to our inner world only to learn my dances, to increase your skill with the sword, but never to…" Sode no Shirayuki closed her eyes. "Sometimes, it's almost as if I am just a weapon to you, instead of actually being—"

"_How dare you say that?!_" Whatever coolness Rukia managed to muster flared away at Sode no Shirayuki's statement. "How dare you say that I only saw you as a weapon? How dare you compare me to—to that pitiful excuse of a shinigami and Kuchiki! If that's how you think of me, of how I value you, then you are terribly, _terribly_ mistaken!"

**What I thought was a dream, a mirage, **

**Was as real as it seemed, a privilege**

She was on a roll now.

Sode no Shirayuki could only step back in amazement as Rukia bored blazing night blue eyes at the zanpakuto spirit. "As soon as I realized that you betrayed me, I was shattered, Sode no Shirayuki—_shattered!_ You have no idea how badly hurt I was when I thought that you really abandoned me! You have no idea what it was like to be at the opposite end of the blade that trained, encouraged and protected me so many times! The blade that I would trust with my life a thousand times over! The blade that I honor above all others and would willingly die for no matter what!"  
"Rukia…"

"And the one who wielded it, to realize that all this time she held those feelings of hate towards me! Don't lie, Sode no Shirayuki, Muramasa may have manipulated you, but he only played around with what you already felt!" Rukia snapped at her zanpakuto's shocked look. "So you want me to forgive you?! Then say it! Tell me the truth! What do you really feel about me? Because I am sick of people hiding something from me! I've had enough of the ones I love most. I won't have it from the person who was the closest thing I've had—I've loved—to a mother!"

Mother? Sode no Shirayuki's eyes became even smaller at that. She…Rukia, have you always…oh Kami-sama, what have I done?

How do I fix this?

**When I wanted to tell you, I made a mistake**

There was silence for a while in the field, save for the fluttering of the dark grass or the singing crickets.

Rukia was panting heavily, her body almost spent after her emotional outburst. Now she had her gaze locked firmly at her feet and her cheeks burned in shame and frustration. Damn it, she thought, I just promised myself that I won't let things end like this! Why did I have to go say those things?!

And what would you have done? A small voice piped in her mind. Run away from your feelings again, like you _always _do?

Like I always do…?

"I…I don't hate you, Rukia." Sode no Shirayuki spoke at last. Light footfalls reached her ears as the woman came closer. "I never could and I never will."

"Sode no Shirayuki…?" Rukia flinched when she felt Sode no Shirayuki's hands on her shoulders.

"Hear me, Kuchiki Rukia." The yuki onna continued. "You are my mistress, but more than that, you are the other half of my heart and soul. To hate you would be to hate the only reason I am alive, for I have made a vow, ever since I saw you in my gardens and taught you my dances, that I will support and protect you no matter what."

"That time at the garden…" Rukia recalled the time she first met Sode no Shirayuki, radiant and graceful as the first fallen snow as she twirled with her sword. "That was the first time I saw you, wasn't it?"

"You remember." Sode no Shirayuki nodded. "The first thing you said to me was how beautiful I was, and how much you loved my dances. And you said it with so much sincerity at the time. I never told you this, but our first meeting meant so much to me."

"I didn't know I actually said it, to be honest." Rukia said honestly. "As soon as I arrived at my inner world, you stood before me, and I was so captivated by your beauty that I couldn't say anything that made sense. Then you became annoyed and threatened to make a snowman out of me before I finally told you what I first thought of."

"After that, you came almost everyday, between your classes and training, to watch me dance. Then I taught you my dances, and you mastered them beautifully." Sode no Shirayuki returned Rukia's tearful smile. "I was so proud of you."

"But after that…after that was…" Rukia felt her heart clench in pain at the memory of her mentor's death. "Kaien-dono…"

"At the time," Sode no Shirayuki nodded sadly. "Your inner world was flooding with snow. I grew worried and tried to call for you, yet you never came. You only went to see me a week after, acting fine and brushing off my queries, but I knew—I saw—that a part of you already died. Ever since then, things changed. You changed. You were still kind and respected me, but you shut me out. I felt so frustrated and so useless, because I knew you were hurt, but I couldn't do anything for you."

"Sode no Shirayuki, you…" Rukia gasped as a realization dawned to her.

**I walked away…**

So the reason why Muramasa was able to turn Sode no Shirayuki against her, all those feelings of not being respected well enough. Now she knew why… "No, it is I who should be sorry!" Rukia sobbed in her anger, which was all this time actually been directed to herself. "Your instincts…I understand now. All I wanted was for you not to be troubled by my burdens, but I just ended hurting you even more instead, because all you wanted was to help me too! This _is_ all my fault!"

Rukia felt tears well up in her eyes and her small, clutched hands trembled. It did make sense. While she truly did love Sode no Shirayuki, she never confided in her, but that wasn't because she didn't trust her.

It was simply because it was in Rukia's nature not to confide in anyone. Years in Rukognai made her used to handling things alone, be it danger or tragedy.

To truly rely on someone to carry your problems is something foreign to her, and she was only starting to learn how to depend on others through her experiences with Ichigo.

She only wished she was able to learn sooner. Maybe she would have saved herself and Sode no Shirayuki much grief.  
So who really needed to be forgiven?

**Gomenasai for everything**

**Gomenasai…Gomenasai…**

**Gomenasai, I never needed a friend, like I do now**

Sode no Shirayuki's eyes softened as she watched her mistress cry. She smiled tenderly as she lay a hand on Rukia's dark hair.

"That is enough, Rukia."

"Wh—what?"

"That is enough. No more self hate. No more self pity. You are not worth them, Rukia." Sode no Shirayuki said. "You have always been a good mistress, a very dear mistress, no matter what has happened or what others may say."

"I—I'm sorry—"

"And no more apologies." Sode no Shirayuki added firmly, tilting Rukia's chin to meet her eyes. "We've been trading a fair amount of that, haven't we? As I've said, it is enough."

"I…" Rukia swallowed once more before speaking. "But that doesn't mean you forgive me."

Sode no Shirayuki's smile broadened. "For that, Rukia, I have only one condition?"

Rukia hesitated before asking. "What would that be?"

She first felt the draping of gentle winter breeze over her shoulders before the warmth of a freeing embrace. "I will forgive you, Rukia, only if _you_ will also forgive _me_."

**Gomenasai, for everything**

**Gomenasai…Gomenasai…**

**Gomenasai till the end**

**I never needed a friend…**

"Well, that has been one interesting way to end the day." Rukia said casually as she and Sode no Shirayuki arrived at Soul Society on the way to Seiretei.

"Indeed." Sode no Shirayuki replied. "But considering other things, safe to say I won't have it any other way."

"I know. Me too." Rukia then stretched her arms. "Ahh, well, I'd better go see what Ichigo and the others are up to, and I probably need to report to Ukitake-taichou, although he probably knows everything by now."

The yuki onna nodded. "I suppose you're right."

Rukia was about to walk to the Thirteenth Division barracks before she suddenly stopped.

"Rukia?" Sode no Shirayuki stopped when her mistress did, blinking in confusion. "Is something the matter?"

"…No, I can always do that the next day or the day after that!" Rukia then turned a bright smile to Sode no Shirayuki. "Ne, do you want to have a walk in the forest? Just us? It's been a while since we've had time alone, and it'll be great if we can catch up!"

For a minute, Sode no Shirayuki was taken aback at the unexpected invitation. But after a while, her surprise faded into a smile matching that of her mistress'. "A walk would be most wonderful."

Rukia could feel her heart swell with happiness for the first time since Muramasa's invasion. "Arigatou, Sode no Shirayuki."

_And when heavy winter comes in your inner world, you'll never have to suffer the cold alone again._

**Like I do now…**

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Well that's it. Yahoo! Thanks for reading it all the way down here!

Please review, tell me if you liked it!

If ever Ill update this, Ill just add an omake. I have a draft of it somewhere. I just need to put it here. Haha!

Again, thanks much!

Rock on! JD


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